The subject matter of this article will be a little controversial and unusual to those of you who expect me to talk about something that seems more directly related to your career. In my experience, everything you do is related to your career, conversely your career influences every part of your life. There is no such thing as the work/home balance. The field you choose, the industry you choose, the geographic location you choose, whether you choose to be self-employed or work for someone else are all incredibly important to the success you will have in life for all of the obvious reasons. But none of them, not even all of them combined are weighted as heavily as one of the three I am going to discuss today.

The most important career decisions you will ever make are:

1) Should I get married?

2) Who should I marry?

3) Should I divorce my spouse?

I was a little reluctant to write this article because I don't want it to come across as bitter. I don't want to be accused of using this forum to rail against some unseen force that has "wrecked" my life. My life is not wrecked. It is incredible. But, as I reflect on my own life, the lives of so many others, and many business readings I have done, everything comes back to these three things. These three things will determine how you approach every single thing you do in your career, and let's face it, a man measures his self worth as a man by his career. I am sure it is an inherited genetic pre-disposition to the hunt.

The question of should I get married is almost never asked of ones self. It is assumed we will. Almost of all us are taught either subliminally or overtly that we should and will find a nice boy or girl, settle down, and have children. Our mothers are continually preparing us, male or female, to find that person and how to make them happy. Yes, make THEM happy. If you read an earlier blog post of mine, you will find that you cannot ever MAKE anyone happy.

When we start out dating, it is part of the mating ritual in second grade that starts out with a note that says "I like you. Do you like me? Check yes or no." It progresses to hand holding, kissing, and eventually the 7th grade dance. The ritual is no different than any other species that wants to exercise its innate desire to mate. Yes, every bit of this is about 7 minutes of copulation. Ridiculous? Even Sigmund Freud, considered to be the father of modern day psychiatry by some, basically said we do everything for sex. Yes, everything as in "behind every great man is a great woman". That is just a nice way of saying behind every man is a woman he has sex with.

So the question is “should I get married?”

If you understand why you want to get married, you might better be able to answer that question. Are you getting married because don't want to lose him or her? Are you getting married because you want more sex? Are you getting married because you want to have a family? Are you getting married because you don't want to be lonely (if that is the answer, get a pet)? Understand the answers to those questions, and you will better understand why you want to do this, or not.

The second major question is "Who should I marry?" Now, it seems that there is a simple answer to that question. I want to marry a man or woman that......wait, "I haven't really considered that before" you say to yourself. That's right, I know you haven't. Many of you simply want to marry anyone who would have you. The belief that you are not complete without him or her drives you to make a decision for a life companion (life companion?, dang that's long time). Divorce is rampant in the western world because people do not carefully evaluate the qualifications of the person they want to be their life companion. Are they worthy of you? I guarantee you that less than 1% of married couples have ever asked that question of themselves. If you are married now, think back to when you found the “him or her” to whom you are married today, and now wonder to yourselves if you made a mistake. Too late.

In all candor, your job interviewer asks you more personal questions that you did or would ever ask your future spouse. Questions like: What values do they have? What work ethic do they embrace? How do they feel about wealth and what investments would they make? Who will control the money? Will they care if you travel, work overtime, have business meetings on Saturdays? Or conversely, will you care if they do? If you are having kids, how many? Who stays home with them, if anyone? If you put them in day care, who stays home with them or leaves work early when they are sick? Believe me, that last question creates more arguments and guilt than any of the others.

Crazy questions? Yes, but only because you never thought of your marriage as long-term business partnership to be entered into no differently than buying a car, a house, or a business. These questions are the most significant questions in anyone's career. Is your marriage a financial partnership with benefits? Or, is the partnership at such odds right from the beginning that the subtext of contention between you simply does cause or will cause decision paralysis and indifference over the long haul. Think that is not possible? Ha!!! Look at your friends, siblings, and parents relationships for evidence. By the way, the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

And the last question needs to ask is "Should I divorce my spouse?" Obviously, I cannot answer that for you, but I can tell you that the greatest single wealth destroyer in the western world is divorce. I am not discussing any social harms or impact to others like children, in-laws, and other family members. The loss of wealth and the resulting financial set-back is devastating. The dissolution of a marriage is almost always emotional, just as the original romance was, but the emotion is often temporary, as people seem to be able heal themselves (sometimes by jumping into another bad relationship). The financial ruin is almost always permanent. Few people have the means to pay child support, alimony, mortgage or rent, car payments, and put money in the bank. The financial devastation has spawned the cliche "Its cheaper to keep her (or him)". What took years to build (years!), can be divided up and re-allocated by a judge in thirty minutes. I am not siding with either gender. Both suffer irreparable financial harm that will continue quite possibly for decades to come.

Napolean Hill in "Think and & Grow Rich" talks about the transmutation of the sex drive. It is a complicated chapter and a complicated concept that boiled down says that if you can redirect your sexual energy into building wealth, you will be wildly successful without giving up any measure of the amount of sex you experience. No, you lose no opportunity for sex. You have more opportunity because you have achieved wild professional success which creates confidence, and therefore sex drive which attracts willing partners. I know, it sounds nuts, but it is true, plus sex becomes a little less significant. Remember, anything you chase, like sex, will run away instinctively. What you need will flow toward you, not run away from you. You can attract wealth and the other things you desire and they will flow to you instead of you having to chase them. And chasing something is so exhausting.

Ok, this article is already too long and I have way more to say on the subject. So, if you want more information, leave me a comment, email me, read my blog or wait for my book, CD's, public speaking or TV appearances!!